Being on the same page with your partner at all times is a laughable concept. You may have found yourself with someone incredibly similar to you in many ways, but it’s impossible, (and unhealthy!), to always be thinking exactly the same. A common place where couples struggle to think similarly is when it comes to feelings of desire. How do you cope with you and your partner having differences in libido?

1. Communicate: First and foremost, it’s crucial to be able to communicate effectively with your partner or spouse when it comes to all matters, especially different sexual needs in a relationship. If you need more from your partner in the bedroom, it’s okay to ask for just this. Always advocate for yourself and speak clearly and compassionately, careful not to trample on the feelings of your partner in your crusade to speak up for your own wants and needs. Oftentimes, you’ll find a receptive and willing partner at the other end of a healthy conversation, just patiently waiting for some direction.

2. Be A Good Listener: There’s no greater turn off than being talked over or ignored. There must be reciprocity in communication between couples. Be sure to actively listen to, and truly hear, what your partner is trying to express to you in terms of their desire and how the relationship is failing to live up to their expectations in this area. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a partner, it only means there’s room for sensational growth. Listen to what your partner needs more of and put a plan into action together that benefits both of you.

3. Compromise: Be willing to compromise whenever it comes to differences in libido with your partner. Don’t think about the issue in certain terms — there is always room for negotiating a clear plan that has both of your interests in mind. By compromising, you’re demonstrating to your partner that you deeply care about their wants and needs, while not ignoring your own. Different sexual needs in a relationship don’t have to be a deal breaker.

Differences in libido happen all the time in relationships. It’s quite alright to not always be on the same page with your partner, but it is necessary to communicate effectively, listen well, and compromise to evolve together. Because intimacy is one of the most special and important aspects of a well-lived life, it’s important you make it a priority and discover anything that could add more joy in this area.

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